


Champions

by OrangeOctopi7



Series: OrangeOctopi's Stanuary 2020 [5]
Category: Atop the Fourth Wall, Gravity Falls
Genre: Contest of Champions, Gen, this is silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:55:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22620616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrangeOctopi7/pseuds/OrangeOctopi7
Summary: It's just a silly crossover with Atop the Fourth Wall's Contest of Champions. No prior knowledge of AT4W is needed, I'm just borrowing a concept. Although I would like to do a second chapter where Stan meets Linkara and the crew.
Series: OrangeOctopi's Stanuary 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1599052
Comments: 10
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

Stan was awoken in the middle of the night by one of Ford's alarms going off. He groggily sat up as his brother jumped out of his own hammock and dashed to the controls, muttering curses under his breath the whole way.

"Wazzat?" Stan groaned.

"An extradimensional portal just opened up aboard the Stan'o'war! But my sensors aren't picking up any foreign lifeforms. Whatever it was must also have access to time travel. It must have paused time, entered our dimension, done whatever it was trying to do, and then left before restoring the flow of time."

"Y'sure your nerd gadgets aren't just broken?" Stan asked, reaching sleepily for his glasses on the bedside cabinet. He felt around, but instead of the thin plastic frames, he felt a heavy sheet of parchment.

"Yes, I'm sure! Now keep a close eye out for anything out of place! Just because I don't detect any lifeforms doesn't mean they couldn't have left a robot or a bug."

"Uh, Ford? I think I found what they left."

Stan finally put his glasses on and looked down at the parchment he'd found. It was the same size as a normal 8.5" by 11" printer paper, but the parchment felt much fancier, like something the Northwests would use for an invitation. Which was exactly what it was.

STANLEY PINES

YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO THE 1049th INTERDIMENSIONAL

**CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS**

SPEAK ALOUD YOUR ACCEPTANCE AND DETAILS WILL FOLLOW

CONGRATULATIONS, CHAMPION.

"What the…?" Stan muttered, turning the page over to look for more info, but it was blank. "Ford, are you tryin' to pull some sorta prank? If so, I don't get your humor at all."

Ford silently read the invitation over his brother's shoulder, before snatching it away. "This  _ has _ to be counterfeit. I know you destroyed Bill, but that's not… that doesn't make you… does it?"

"Seriously, Ford, what is this?" Stan asked impatiently.

Ford took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts, before answering. "To put it in  _ your _ terms, Stan, the Contest of Champions is like an interdimensional boxing tournament, only instead of just boxing, the Champions can choose any kind of contest they want."

"Champions?"

Ford pinched the bridge of his nose. "You know, I bet this thing will do a much better job of explaining." He held up the invitation like it was a phone and he was having a video-chat. "We'd like the Terms and Conditions, please."

Nothing happened.

"Of course,  _ I  _ wasn't invited." Ford rolled his eyes and handed the paper back to Stan. " _ You _ have to ask it."

Stan held the paper out like he'd seen Ford doing. "Uh… can you explain this whole thing to me?" He awkwardly addressed the invitation.

With nothing more than a bright flash of light, a figure in dark robes appeared. They looked like they might be human, but every part of them was covered, from their closed hood to their gloved hands.

"Sweet Moses!" Stan shouted in surprise, winding up to punch the intruder.

"Relax, it's just a hologram recording." Ford reassured him with a gentle hand on the shoulder.

" _The interdimensional Contest of Champions is a tournament._ " The hologram began, " _Within every parallel reality, there are figures best suited to defend those realities. These individuals are referred to as Champions. The hosts for this contest, the Temlins, have elected to hold a tournament to judge their respective skills against one another. Participants are randomly selected across all realities and invitations are sent. You are under no obligation to join this great tournament, but should you enter, you will be granted the opportunity to test your abilities against other powerful individuals and make an attempt at a great prize. All battles are non-lethal and participation is voluntary. Should you remain victorious through all of your battles, you will be awarded this great prize. Defeat brings only as much dishonor as you allow yourself. If you have any further questions, you may ask now._ "

"Wow, that's quite the schpiel you got there." Stan grunted. He turned to his brother. "So, let me get this straight. I can't  _ die _ ,  _ and _ I get to fight a buncha space dorks for some fancy prize? Sounds like a good time to me!"

"It's a lot more complex than that."

"What, you been in one of these things?"

"No, but I watched the coverage of one during my interdimensional travels. I should warn you, they take  _ forever _ . Since it covers multiple dimensions and timelines, it can be really stretched out. I saw the beginning of the 1018th tournament while I was in the Bubble Dimension, by the time it finally finished, I was in the Flying Whale Dimension,  _ six years later _ ."

"Well, do I haffta wait on their planet, or somethin' or can I just go about life as normal?"

Ford shrugged.

" _ Between rounds, Champions are allowed to prepare as they see fit."  _ The hologram answered. " _ The Temlins are aware of the great temporal differences between participating dimensions. Champions are encouraged to continue their normal lives if at all possible while waiting for the next round." _

"Ok. And how do these battles work?"

"From what I remember, one of the contestants gets to choose the contest."

" _ For each round, one of the two Champions is selected at random. They must set a battle that is fair to both parties, with a reasonable chance that either could win. The conditions of the battle must be agreed upon by both parties, and approved by the Temlins." _

"So, I just gotta bribe the right people, and make sure I get to pick the challenge. Dirty boxing, or, I dunno, a  _ The Dutchess Approves _ trivia quiz."

"Stanley, I'd advise against mentioning  _ bribery _ in front of the recording device." Ford scolded him. "And besides, the Temlins are all-powerful beings. I very much doubt you have anything that would interest them."

"Well, what've I got to lose, right? I'll give it a shot."

"Stanley, wait, let's think about this first! I  _ don't trust the Temlins _ . That much power, and they use it to host a  _ tournament!? _ Why couldn't they have done something about Bill, why couldn't they use that power to stop injustice across the multiverse?"

Stan gasped in mock surprise. " _ What _ !? You don't trust somebody? That's never happened before! Whatever will I do with this  _ new, vital information _ ?"

"Stanley, I'm serious!"

"C'mon Ford, the man says it's voluntary. If things get sketchy, I'll quit! 'Snot like I expect to win this thing. Think of it this way, _ I _ get to fight crazy space guys.  _ You _ get to study whatever crazy space guys they send our way, and maybe if I get  _ really lucky _ , I win some fancy sci-fi prize."

Ford sighed. "I'll admit, that does sound tempting."

"Great, cuz I'm doin' it!" Stan turned back to the hologram. "I, uh, speak aloud my acceptance, or however this works."

_ "Welcome, Stanley Pines, to the Contest of Champions." _

"Great. So now what?"

_ "Preliminary round begins now." _

"Wait, what?"

_ "Your opponent is Ace Corgi, Attorney at Paw. Battlefield has been selected as Stanley Pines'" _

"Ford, you said these things take forever!"

"Well I never saw anything about a preliminary round on the broadcast!"

Another brilliant flash filled the cabin. The hologram had disappeared, and in its place was a stout dog with pointy ears and a steel-gray coat. It looked just as surprised as they were. Ford's alarms started again.

"Oh, are we starting now?" It asked in a deep voice that belied its small size.

"Aw, lookit the cute talking dog!" Stan cooed.

"That must be the Champion from the Corgi Dimension!"

"There's a  _ Corgi Dimension _ !?"

"Yes, but last I heard, the Champion of the Corgi Dimension was Atticus."

"Oh, He retired just last year." The small dog explained. "Now, which one of you humans is my opponent?"

Stan raised his hand.

"Thank you. Now have at thee!"

The dog lunged without warning, going straight for Stan's knees.

"What the H!?" Stan shouted as he nearly toppled to the ground. His first instinct was to dropkick the animal, but he knew Mabel would never forgive him for doing such a thing to a cute dog, even if it  _ was  _ in self defense. Luckily, he knew a thing or two about dealing with rowdy dogs from his time pug trafficking. He grabbed it by the scruff of the neck, doing his best to avoid the snapping jaws, and forced the dog onto its back.

"A little help here?" He yelled to Ford as he struggled to keep the wiggling dog still.

The old scientist held his hands up. "I'm not allowed to interfere."

The dog took advantage of Stan's split attention and squirmed out of his grasp.

"You're a jerk, you know that?" Stan shouted as the corgi chased him up onto the deck.

"I'm not being a jerk, it's the rules!" Ford called after him.

Stan at least had the presence of mind to grab his boots and his coat as he dashed for the stairs. Luckily, the steps slowed his stubby-legged pursuer down, and he was able to actually put them on.

"You cur! Your giant ledges won't be enough to stop me!" 

"What the heck, I thought we had to both agree on the battle first!?"

"That's what I thought too, but it seems the Temlins get to decide the battle for the preliminary round. I suppose it saves time." The dog replied as it hopped up the last step.

_ What the heck am I supposed to do!?  _ Stan wondered to himself.  _ I'm not gonna punch a little dog! _

He ran around the deck a couple of times, trying to tire the little guy out, but the dog had boundless energy, and it's fur coat was obviously better at keeping the cold out than Stan's cotton one. Finally, his eyes caught sight of the net he and Ford used to catch specimens for his brother's research. Perfect!

Out-maneuvering a herding dog was a challenge, but in the end he managed. After all, corgis were bred to herd large groups of sheep, not one cunning old man. Once Stan grabbed the net, he tossed it over his opponent, tangling up its little legs almost instantly. The dog continued to squirm, attempting to wiggle its way out once again. When this proved futile, it started to gnaw on the cables of the net.

"Yeah, good luck, Bucko." Stan chuckled. "That net's meant for things way bigger and more magical than you."

" _ Preliminary round has ended. The victor is Stanley Pines."  _ The hologram appeared again in a flash of light. " _ You are both Champions worthy of being in this great tournament. Now you must await your summoning for the first true round. Information and dossiers about the other participants will be made available to you soon, relative to your own universe's timescale. Welcome, once again, to the Contest of Champions." _

With that, the hologram disappeared again.

"Good show, human!" The dog barked happily. "Will you please let me out now?"

"Oh, right." Stan pulled the net away. "Not that it's any of my business, but if  _ I  _ can beat you, ya might not last many rounds in this tournament."

"Oh, this dog still has a few tricks. I don't want to show all my best moves before we've even begun!"

"Good point. Hey, before ya go, would it be too much to ask for a picture? My niece would really love you."

"But of course!"

"Hey Ford, get up here!" Stan called down the stairs to the cabin.

"I told you, I can't help during the match!"

"It's already over, genius! We're takin' a commemorative photo! Bring up the camera!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Linkara and Stan meet and face off!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you I planned on writing a second chapter... just took me much longer than expected. Sorry, I had writers block for this particular story, and the ideas were flowing for everything else last year. But hey, now I'm just in time for Stanuary 2021!
> 
> Also, I don't swear due to my own personal and religious commitments, but accurate character voice is important to me, and wouldn't you know it, Linkara and Co. swear from time to time. So I've incorporated a 'bleeping' technique that my fellow writer Detective Jigsaw sometimes employs. I hope it's not too distracting.

“Gather ‘round everyone!” Linkara called in his team one morning. “I just got the dossier on my first opponent in the Contest of Champions.” 

Jaeris, his coach, Dr. Linksano, his science expert, Pollo, his producer, and Harvey Finevoice, the general voice of reason, were all gathered in Linkara’s office. 

“Who’s the guy?” Harvey asked.

“A man named Stanley Pines.”. Linkara answered, passing out photocopies of the documents.

“Huh, so they set you up with another first-timer.” Jaeris observed, scanning over the information. “He even comes from an alternate Earth a lot like yours.”

“So, they have you fighting a sextagenarian old man who runs a tourist trap?” Linksano asked incredulously.

“He’s a sextagenarian old man who destroyed an interdimensional chaos demon.” Linkara corrected. “He wouldn’t be in the Contest of Champions if he wasn’t a serious contender. Besides,  _ I’m  _ a middle-aged guy who reviews comic books on the internet, I’m hardly one to judge what this guy’s day-job is.”

“So who gets to choose the battle this time?” Pollo asked. 

“We don’t know yet.” Linkara answered. “I think they’re supposed to let us know later today. But with the interdimensional temporal differences, we might not find out until next week.” 

One of the Temlin’s hooded envoys appeared in the middle of the room, interrupting the discussion. 

“Or, y’know, we could find out right now.” 

* * *

_ Meanwhile, in Gravity Falls.... _

It had been a few months since Stan’s preliminary round in the Contest of Champions, and the elder Pines twins were back at the Mystery Shack for the summer. The Temlins had left them with a sort of “open channel” for communication, which Ford had connected to his monitoring equipment.

It’d been so long since they’d heard anything, that Stan was beginning to wonder if the whole thing wasn’t some sort of elaborate joke. Then one day, while Mabel was making breakfast, the alarm went off, and that creepy hooded hologram from before showed up in the middle of the kitchen.

Poor Mabel was so startled she almost dropped her pitcher of Mabel Juice, and Stan nearly made a move for his nearest gun before he realized what it was.

“Ford, that thing’s back!” He yelled.

The old researcher had already been rushing to the kitchen after he heard the alarm go off, and he appeared in the doorway just a second after Stan yelled. A still-sleepy Dipper was not far behind him.

“What’s going on?” the boy asked, rubbing crusties out of his eyes. 

“It’s that stinkin’ contest thing I told you about!” Stan explained. “They finally remembered I exist, huh?”

“It’s all due to temporal differences.” Ford assured him. “I’m honestly surprised we didn’t have to wait longer.”

“ _ Champion Stanley Pines, the time has come to set your first contest.”  _ The hologram informed him.  _ “For this round, you have been randomly selected to choose the nature of your competition.” _

“Oh, really?” Stan grinned and slipped into conman mode. “Well, I’m really happy to hear that! Why don’t you have a seat and join us for breakfast while we talk?”

“Stanley, it’s a hologram.” Ford pointed out, but the Temlin emissary sat down at their little table.

“Why don’t you pour the nice alien hologram some Mabel Juice, Pumpkin.” Stan suggested. Mabel beamed and poured a tall glass for their guest. 

“Oh boy, you’re in for a treat! I added extra Fizz Flints this time!”

Just as Ford was about to point out that, as a hologram, their guest couldn’t even pick up the glass, much less drink it, the Temlin emissary stared intently at the drink, and it began to empty, almost like an invisible straw was sipping it away.

_ “Incredible. We have explored the vast reaches of time and space. We understand the most intricate machinations of the universe. And yet we have never encountered a beverage like this.” _

“Aww, thanks!” Mabel accepted their compliment graciously. “There’s more where that came from!” She filled the glass again.

“Heheh, yeah, sure there is sweetie.” Stan scooted her away and took a seat opposite of their guest. “Don’t give ‘em too much at once, kiddo, we want ‘em to savor it!”

Mabel nodded sagely. “That is so true. Let me know when you’re ready for more, Mr. Temlin.”

“Alright, alright, you kids run along. Me and Bigwig here are gonna talk business.”

The kids left with only minor protests. Ford was still standing in the doorway, trying to wrap his head around what he’d just witnessed. 

“Ford, didn’t you have some sort of big project you were workin’ on?” Stan asked his brother pointedly.

“Hmm? Oh, no, nothing particularly urgent, at least….” 

Stan shot his brother a significant glare.

“Oh! Oh, yes, I do have er, temporal disturbances to, ah, compare. Just… let me know when you’re done.”

“Now.” Stan said slyly as he sat across from the Temlin Emissary and steepled his fingers. “About this competition…”

* * *

_ “Champion Linkara, the time has come to set your first contest.”  _ The hooded hologram declared.  _ “While for this round, the decision ultimately rests with your opponent, you will be granted time to meet together and discuss the conditions of the competition. Speak aloud your readiness to begin the meeting, and it shall be done.” _

“What, right now?” Harvey wondered incredulously.

“Eh, no time like the present.” Linkara reasoned. “So, is he coming here, or am I going there?”

_ “Champion Stanley Pines has agreed to meet in this location. He has also requested permission to bring a guest. Do you find this acceptable?” _

“Sure, why not.” Linkara shrugged.

With a shimmer, the hologram disappeared, and two nearly identical old men took its place. They were both tall, broad-shouldered, and square jawed, with large ears, bulbous noses, and fluffy grey hair. One word a navy blue hoodie, the other a dark brown fisherman’s coat and a red beanie.

“Huh, not what I was expecting.” The one in the beanie grunted. “Just looks like someone’s basement. I thought the file said this guy had a spaceship.”

“I do, it’s undergoing some repairs right now.” Linkara stepped forward and extended a hand in greeting. “So, which one of you is Stanley Pines?”

The one in the hoodie gave him a piercing look, but the one in the beanie grinned and accepted the handshake. “That’s me. You can just call me Stan. This here’s my brother, Ford.”

Ford was looking around at Linkara’s gathered team. His gaze lingered on Linksano and Harvey. “Triplets, I presume? Incredible, what are the odds that two Champions from sets of multiples would end up competing against each other?”

“Whaddaya mean, triplets?” Harvey asked in confusion.

“Oh, come on, you three look even more alike than me an’ Ford, and we’re twins!” Stan scoffed.

“No we don’t!” Linksano protested. “I wear goggles, and he wears a hat!”

“What hat?” Linkara asked innocently.

“Yeah, you two wish you were as good lookin’ as me.” Harvey quipped. 

“Er, weren’t we supposed to be setting the terms of your first match?” Pollo reminded them.

“Remarkable! Are you a sentient robot?” Ford leaned down for a closer look.

“Yes, and like most sentient beings, I don’t enjoy being stared at.”

“O-oh, of course!” Ford quickly folded his arms behind his back. “I apologize.”

“Uh, anyway, about that contest thing…” Stan steered the conversation back to the point. “I already talked with those Temlin guys, and it’s gonna be dirty boxing! They promised us a ring an’ everything!”

“What!?” Linkara protested. “How the h___ is dirty boxing a fair and reasonable battle? It has  _ dirty _ in the name!”

“No hard feelin’s, kid, but you’re half my age, I need all the advantages I can get!” Stan defended. “‘Sides, I’ve read your file, I know you’ve got some experience fightin’ hand-to-hand.”

“I’ve read your file too, you used to be a professional prize fighter!”

“Tch, yeah, when I was in my 20’s. An’ it didn’t last long, believe me.”

“I thought the whole point of this meeting was to discuss the terms of the fight and come to an agreement!”

“Eh, that’s more of a formality than anything.” Jaeris clarified. “Since the final decision rests with whoever the Temlins chose, this time’s more for sizin’ each other up than convincin’ the other guy to even the playing field.”

“So what, whoever gets to pick the contest is basically guaranteed victory!?”

“Eh, not necessarily.” Jaeris corrected. “I didn’t get to pick my first round neither, an’ I still managed to come out on top by outsmartin’ my opponent.”

“Yeah, good luck with that, bucko.” Stan smirked.

“Stanley, don’t antagonize the man.” Ford chided him. “You’ve already literally given him an excuse to punch you in the face.”

“That’s the idea, genius.” Stan rolled his eyes. “But seriously, good luck with your preparations and stuff. I’m lookin’ forward to the fight, should be fun.” He grinned warmly at his opponent. “So, uh, are we done here? How do we get back to the boat?”

The air around them shimmered, and they disappeared just as quickly as they’d arrived in the first place.

“...He seemed nice.” Jaeris commented after they’d left. “H___ of a lot nicer than my first opponent, that’s for sure.”

“Oh yeah, perfectly nice!” Linkara agreed with false cheer. “If you ignore the fact that he’s basically been given permission to cheat. What a load of bullcrap!” 

“You’re not going to give up just because your opponent has an unfair advantage, are you?” Pollo asked. 

“Oh no, I told you guys, I’m in it to win it.” the comic reviewer assured them. “I just need someone to complain to.”

“I mean, I guess you could try and file a complaint with the Temlins, but I wouldn’t count on it makin’ any difference.” Jaeris said.

“Alright. Dr. Linksano, could you start drafting a complaint letter?”

“I’m a mad scientist, not your secretary!”

“I’ll pay you by the word.”

“Deal.”

“In the meantime, if I’m gonna beat this guy, I am going to need a  _ really  _ great training montage!”

  
  
  


* * *

The day of the first round came. Both parties were teleported to a boxing ring that had been set up within the Temlins’ stadium. Linkara and his crew were set up in the green corner, while Stan and his brother were in the red. 

“Why are both of you fully dressed?” Linksano asked. “Don’t boxers usually just wear a pair of shorts?”

“You really think folks wanna see two outta shape guys fight topless?” Stan reasoned.

“Well,  _ yes _ . Many people throughout the multiverse are  _ very  _ into that!”

“If you both feel more comfortable keepin’ your shirts on, then that’s the fight the Temlins are gonna put on.” Jaeris said.

_ “Contestants, enter the ring to begin your first round in the Contest of Champions!”  _ The Temlins’ holographic envoy commanded.

Stan and Linkara both climbed into the ring, meeting in the center to shake hands and exchange pleasantries.

“So, uh, how long’s it been for you?” Stan asked.

“Eh, a couple of months. You?”

“Almost a year and a half. I almost forgot about this whole thing!”

_ “The contestants are in place. Fight with honor, fight with pride, most of all, fight well. Begin!” _

“Kick his a__ kid!” Harvey cheered.

“You can do it, Stanley! Show him what the Pines family is made of!” Ford encouraged.

Stan made the first blow with a quick pop to the stomach and followed up by stepping on his opponent’s leading foot. 

“...oww…” Linkara groaned and reeled back a step or two, but otherwise looked as ready as ever.

Stan raised an eyebrow in surprise. He’d expected the out-of-shape comic reviewer to be a push-over, but the guy could take more punishment than he thought.

Linkara landed a haymaker square in Stan’s chest. It was clear the kid had no form and no training, but he certainly packed a wallop. 

They exchanged more sloppy blows. Most of the time, Stan didn’t have any trouble blocking the kid’s punches, but some of them were so wild and out there that he either didn’t see them coming or didn’t know how to block them.

“I AM A MAN!!” Linkara shouted, and despite the fact that it was as clearly telegraphed as possible, the punch was somehow impossible to block. The blow knocked Stan onto his back, and he was pretty sure there’d been a flash of light and some sound effects.

“What the heck was that!?” Stan quickly pulled himself up off the mat before the ref could ring the bell on him. 

“I dunno, it does something different every time.” Linkara shrugged.

Stan squared his shoulders. It was time to end this. _ “Left Hook!”  _ He wound up and socked the guy right in the jaw. The blow was actually enough to spin the comic reviewer on his heel, and he fell to the floor.

“5… 4… 3… 2… 1… It’s a knockout!” The ref declared.

Stan stood over his defeated opponent. “You ok, kid?” He asked, offering a hand up.

“...and tha’s why Pow-Rangers Megforssss.... Iz zah bes’ seezin of all…” The comic review offered only a slurred non-sequitur as a reply. 

“Champion Linkara is unable to continue the fight! This match goes to--” The ref was about to hold Stan’s hand aloft in victory, when another Temlin Emissary, this one clearly different from the first, appeared.

_ “Stop these proceedings at once!” _ The hologram commanded with a booming voice.  _ “There is reason to believe that Champion Stanley Pines bribed one of the Temlin Judges in order to receive an unfair advantage in this contest!” _

“Ha! What? I dunno what this guy’s talkin’ about!” Stan insisted nervously. “I don’t even know what a bribe is!”

“How could anyone possibly bribe the Temlins? They’re all-powerful!” Ford asked. “I know Stan is quite the charmer, but what could my brother possibly offer them as a bribe?”

_ “A good question. We never would have guessed it was possible either, but Champion Linkara filed an official complaint. As we looked into his concerns, we found that our representative sent to determine the first competition with Champion Stanley Pines made themself unobservable for approximately 10 Earth Minutes. As for what Champion Stanley could have offered as a bribe, the answer is as simple as it is shocking: A new experience.”  _

“What the h___ is that supposed to mean?” Harvey asked.

“The Temlins started this competition because they were bored with all their limitless power.” Jaeris recalled. “So if this guy was really able to show them somethin’ new, that might actually be enough to work as a bribe!”

_ “When we further investigated the representative in question, we found them in possession of a large quantity of a heretofore unknown beverage called Mabel Juice. Upon interrogation, the representative confessed to accepting the beverage in exchange for approving ‘Dirty Boxing’ as the round’s competition.” _

“Dang it, should’ve known that alien jerk would rat me out.” Stan muttered under his breath.

_ “As a consequence, the representative has been suspended from duty, and Champion Stanley has been disqualified from the Contest of Champions.” _

“And you guys couldn’t have disqualified him  _ before _ he beat me up?” Linkara asked incredulously as he picked himself up off the mat.

_ “The match was already set to be broadcast, and there was no alternative to fill the time slot.” _

“So, what, this guy wins after all?” Stan pointed to his opponent.

_ “Champion Linkara will be assigned a new opponent for his first round. We shall choose another Champion who had previously been in consideration for this tournament.” _

“Oh come on! So I have to fight two first rounds!?” Linkara complained. 

“ _ We shall inform you when your new opponent has been chosen _ .” The Temlin emissary continued as if they hadn’t heard him, before disappearing.

“So, uh, no hard feelings?” Stan grinned sheepishly, extending a handshake to Linkara.

“Yes! Yes, some hard feelings!” Linkara shouted at him.

“Welp, that’s my cue to get outta here. C’mon Ford!”

* * *

The elder Pines twins ducked into a portal back to the Stan’O’War II before the comic reviewer completely lost his temper. They sat down at the table and shared a hearty laugh.

Ford shook his head. “Stan, you’re the only person I know who could possibly bribe a race of all-powerful beings, and get away with it."

"Didn't quite get away with it, did I?" Stan shook his head. 

“Well, you may have been disqualified, but you weren’t zapped or banished to a featureless void, which is more than most people who have crossed the Temlins can say.”

Stan grinned. “Heh, well, that might’ve been because they all want a shot at trying Mabel Juice. I’d better call her. Somethin’ tells me she’s gonna get some extra-dimensional visitors in the near future.”


End file.
